Chapter 7

Evangelism and Realness

            I believe that the more real you are, the more effective you will be as a witness for Christ.  I think the thing that turns off unbelievers about Christians more than anything else is the sense of unrealness about us.  In the subculture of Fundamental and Evangelical Christianity, we have our own code of ethics, language, dress code, facial expressions, and nauseating tone of voice.  We walk around believing we are mimicking Jesus when in reality I think we don’t get close to the realness with which He interacted.  People wanted to be around Jesus, yet on the contrary when I see a fellow Christian coming I often want to run.  Instantly, I feel my body tighten up as I prepare to put on my Christian mask and play the Christian game.  By submitting to the game of playing mini-Jesus’, and by making a big deal about things that matter little, without much awareness, we embarrass ourselves and Him.  We have to come clean about the fact that it is hard, especially for sophisticated nonbelievers, to take us seriously.  Too often we just look and sound silly, and so out of touch that we come across like we are aliens or something. 

             I believe, by making a big deal about outward behaviors, we lose many potential converts.  While I know that the issues of smoking, drinking, dancing, swearing, length of hair, ear rings, and movies, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam, are relatively important, if we focus on these too much, we give them too much importance and, thereby push many nonbelievers away.  We only have ourselves to blame for not being more attractive. 

             I also believe that most Christians do many, if not all, of these taboo behaviors anyway.  This makes us prime grade hypocrites.  We do a lot of these things, but we just do them in private, behind close doors, and with people we trust not to give us up.  Then when it’s time to go to church we put on a whole different persona and mask.  Additionally, the problem with Christian institutions lifting these outward behaviors up as a litmus test of mature Spirituality is that we lose focus of the individual we are trying to convert as a “disciple.”  This is because the rules and norms are truthfully set forth to benefit those who are already saved. 

             The rules at most Christian colleges are there, mostly, to secure alumni giving and to ensure enrollment.  This is hypocritical and we all know it.  The administration, board, teachers, students, and to some extent, alumni, all know about this hypocrisy, but the reality is that the school would not exist if it did not uphold these “standards.” 

             Many students have voiced to me, over the years, the ridiculousness of being treated as a child for the benefit of the institution.  But, these are not the students that worry me the most.  The students who believe these standards are primarily meant for the benefit of the student body scare me.  To me, it seems they are so out of touch with the unsaved world that they become an embarrassment.  It also makes me wonder how they will be of any benefit to a lost world when they graduate.  Sadly, many of them who are afraid of the outside world, not knowing how to relate and fearing rejection, stay in their own safe Christian bubble.  Some seek employment from the Christian college so they can hide from the world, while saying to the rest of us that they are “ministering” in Jesus name.  I say to them “get real.”

              Also, I believe our list of dos and don’ts are culturally defined as important.  Whether a person smokes a cigarette has become, for us, a watershed. We use this test to see who is worthy and who is not.  I am sorry, but a person’s worth or spiritual maturity is not totally dependent upon whether or not he smokes.  While it may not be healthy to smoke, and while it may offend the rights of those not smoking, it is hardly the test we should use to determine a person’s worth.  It is my experience that those who smoke at church usually do so in some remote area away from the main flow of traffic.  I think they do this because they know they will be judged by many fellow believers.  Smoking will put them into a whole different classification.  I wonder where Jesus would hang out.

             Sometimes I smoke because I like to.  I don’t smoke a lot because I want to minimize the potential health risks, but the fact remains that I enjoy smoking.  Usually I will smoke a cigarette, but I also enjoy pipe smoke and a fine cigar.  This is especially true if I am playing golf or going fishing.  For me, there is something very relaxing about doing this.  And please, save the lecture about how I’m ruining the Temple of the Holy Spirit.  Turn the finger and look at yourself and what you might be doing to the body God gave you, then maybe, we can have a healthy discussion.

             Because I smoke I know about the quality of the communication that goes on with the smokers compared to the others who are congregating in the front of the church.  My experience is that a truer form of sharing happens between the smokers.  In our church, the front is where you go to socialize, fellowship and also compete for popularity.  In contrast, the smokers know the cigarette leaves them out of contention for social acceptance. 

             It is amazing to me how something so insignificant can render a person to another part of the building.  Of course someone could say, “Why don’t the smokers join us in the front of the building, I wouldn’t treat them any differently.”  While this may be true for some, most smokers know, from the looks they have received, that what they are doing is unacceptable.  Most parents are uncomfortable with this kind of influence on their children. 

             The hypocrisy in this is in the fact that you are not any better.  You are, perhaps, better able to go underground and hide your inconsistencies or choose vices and sins that are more socially acceptable, but again, the problem with this is that it is so unreal because it has little to do with what is really happening.  Still, many people, especially those defining what is spiritual and, therefore, supposedly real, put others in their relativistic and cultural boxes and end up being judgmental mini-gods.  If you took an honest look at yourself, you would not be any better than the person relegated to the smoking section.

             In contrast, one of the Bible studies that had the most impact on me had to do with the purity of God and how this compares to us, His creation.  What I did was examine the places where humans were confronted with God’s Glory.  This was a takeoff from something I had learned in seminary:  God is so pure and holy that when He manifests Himself in the material world, He glows.  Many examples in scripture point this out including Moses on Mount Sinai, Ezekiel’s vision, Isaiah’s vision of God, Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration, Paul’s (Saul’s) confrontation with Jesus which left him temporarily blind, and John’s vision of Jesus in the first chapter of Revelation.  When men (us) are confronted with God’s Glory, they (us) inevitably end up on the ground, face down.  There isn’t an example of one person being able to stand in the presence of God’s Glory.  The ubiquitous response is one of fearing for your life.  As Isaiah said (my translation), “I’m a man at the wrong place at the wrong time.”  It wasn’t until the angel cleansed his mouth with hot coals (symbolizing purity), that Isaiah could be in the presence of God without being consumed by God‘s holy fire.                  

            The truth is that no matter how much spiritual growth we think we have accomplished, compared to God’s holiness and purity, we are nothing.  As Hebrews states, “Our God is a consuming fire.”  None of us can be in His presence without the sacrifice of Jesus’ blood for us. 

            If we think for a moment about what would happen if Jesus came in all His glory outside of our church building, or inside it, for that matter, all of us would be prostrate, and face down on the ground.  The scriptures bear out that we would have an instant awareness of His purity and our sinfulness. 

            I believe that with this new and instant spiritual perspective, the differences between us would disappear.  I don’t think we would be comparing ourselves to each other, and classifying one another.  It would be silliness compared to the sudden awareness of our individual sinfulness.  Each of us would be focused on ourselves and the inappropriateness of being in Jesus’ or God’s presence.  The good news is that He has provided us a way to be with Him without being consumed by this holiness. 

            I wish this perspective could be kept in mind when we evaluate one another.  I think there would be a lot more humility in the church if we understood who we are in comparison to Him.  It is our spiritual pride which allows us to judge someone else. 

            When I counsel someone, this is the kind of thinking which helps me identify with even the worst of sinners.  I have to ask myself, “If I were in their shoes and lived everything they had lived, would I be any different or perhaps even worse?”  When I remember this, I remember that I am no different than anyone else, and on the contrary am much more like them than I might want to admit.  It is only when I look at myself and others with this perspective that I can be humble enough to be of any help to another human being.  

            When we lose sight of our sinfulness, we are in danger of being unable to identify with those who are still lost.  It is this identification which is communicated as humility that allows a nonbeliever to trust that the message we communicate is real in our own life.  If we were around convicts, we would relate to them and realize that we are on the same plane in God‘s eyes.  We would understand their predicament and we would know that if things were different in our own life we might be in their shoes.  This is true humility. 

            My experience with evangelism and discipleship has taught me to be real and not to make a big deal of small issues.  An earring in someone’s ear doesn’t mean that they are necessarily rebelling, or worse, spiritually weak.  And even if it is a form of rebellion, maybe it’s the hypocrisy I’m talking about that they are reacting to.  If I happen to swear in front of a non-Christian, it is usually my own paranoia which leads me to believe that I have hurt my witness.  Sometimes, paradoxically, my weakness is the most powerful evangelistic tool I have. 

            I want to communicate to non-Christians that becoming a Christian is not a life of rules, of do’s and don’ts, and narrow constricted living.  I want to communicate that true freedom comes through knowing Christ and that this freedom means being with other Christians who care little about trivial matters.  The freedom comes in knowing I should be able to be myself around Christians more than any other group of people.  Strangely and sadly, I find the opposite to be true. 

            I wonder what Jesus would wear today?  I wonder if Jesus might not wear an earring.  I wonder if he would not have a beer with the guys and occasionally light up a cigarette. (I am reminded of the C.S. Lewis and his intimate chats with his friends such as J.R.R. Tolkein which included a cigarette, pipe smoke and some ale.  It seems to be that many Europeans have a more mature attitude toward such trivial matters.  Perhaps they understand how these things bring people together.  (Certainly they do not understand the anxiety which accompanies our moralistic thinking.)   

            Because of this, I wonder if Jesus wouldn’t be judged by us, the very people who bear His name.  I wonder if we wouldn’t like His friends and the motley crew with which He would hang around.  I wonder if the disciples He would choose today would be much different than the kind He chose before.  I wonder if prostitutes would be among His friends.  I wonder if they shouldn’t be among ours.  I wonder if our brand of 20th century Christianity might not nauseate Him the way the Pharisees did 2000 years ago.  I wonder how much time He would spend in our churches.  I wonder if He wouldn’t feel at home in His own house.  This is a sad thought! 

            Jesus was the best evangelist who ever lived.  His style was real because He was real.  People trusted Him, especially against the backdrop of the Pharisees and their self-serving, legalistic religious systems which made few people winners and most people losers.  Except for those who rejected Him and His message, Jesus made all people feel like winners.  It’s time for us to do the same! 

            It’s time for us to grow up.  It’s time for us to realize that many of the things we consider to be important are of little consequence when compared to God’s glory, eternity and the value of human life.  It’s time to accept people, all people, just the way they are.  It embarrasses me to know we have an easier time accepting someone who is disabled than someone who does one of the things on our lists of do’s or don’ts.  We must realize when we do this we are hurting and judging people we have no right to judge.  Let us judge ourselves instead! 

            What follows is a list of students who volunteered to disclose to me in writing some of the hurt and abuses they suffered in church.  I told them I was writing this book and asked them, if they could relate to the message, if they had any experiences which they would write down and share with you.  The names have been changed to protect their identities. 

The Case of James 

            I was born in the state of Nevada, and lived there until I was three years old.  My father was a pastor and soon it came time to move, so off we went, to Baltimore, Maryland.  While there, my sibling was born.  His name is John and he was born in 1980.  I was raised under the intense hypocritical pressure of the church.  However, I feel I came out of it a lot better than others, because my parents allowed me to keep my own identity.  For the simple reason that I did not know any better, I did bend to a lot of the pressure inflicted on me by the masses.  I believe my greatest injury came from the unspoken rules of behavior which I believe exist in the predominately white churches we were a part of. 

            The general rules were as follows:  1) The Pastor and his wonderful son will catch all the slack from those on various boards who don’t feel like doing the jobs which these positions of leadership asked of them.  2) The pastor’s son will do what he is told, when he is told, to help men of the church with their responsibilities because he obviously doesn’t have anything better to do.  What is better than a “let’s be lazy and shaft the pastor’s son work day”!  The last two are rules which hurt me the most:  3) the pastor’s son will not show emotions in any extreme.  If he is too affectionate, he is obviously in some sort of immorality, and if he should ever display his anger, he is obviously committing some sort of sin, because Jesus would never be angry.  (I’m still not sure what Bible they were reading.)  Because of this rule, I have had to learn that it is okay for me to touch friends, including my girlfriend, with affection and not be guilty of evil.  On the other hand, it is also possible for me to be angry and make it known without it being evil.  However, do to all of this suppression, I do have a violent temper.  For so long I learned to cover every emotion, until I hit my breaking point.  Therefore, I may voice my anger without any sign of anger on my face or in my voice, and then all of a sudden go ballistic on somebody because they pushed me too far.  As you can probably imagine, this made it possible for me to have the joy of making countless apologies for punching someone without a valid reason and without any real warning.  The final rule is a killer:  4) The pastor’s son will love us all, because we are all a part of the family of God, but we are also allowed to stab his family in the back with lies, distorted truth, and hypocrisy because we are leaders in the church.  Since accepting my role, that role dictates what feelings I am allowed and not allowed to have...Until of course, all this shattered and I saw that I was left destroyed by a dysfunctional church family, which I honestly believe has strayed from Christ’s intent for his children.  Consider my tirade over.... 

The Case of Tom 

            Another reason that I have this abandonment problem is because, about seven years ago, my family was kicked out of the Baptist church we were attending.  My family knew that the pastor had been embezzling money from the church and that he had been forcing one of the deacon’s wives to do what he wanted.  In other words, I guess you could say that he was raping her.  He was also doing other things in the church as well. 

            The pastor found out that my family knew, and because he felt threatened, kicked us out of the church.  He told everyone in the church the reason was because we hadn’t supported the church, that we weren’t tithing and a lot of other stuff which was not true. 

            The church also owned a Christian school which my sister and I went to.  When we were kicked out of the church, we were kicked out of the school also.  The pastor then proceeded to tell everyone that they were not allowed to talk to us or associate with us.  So this meant that everyone who had been our friends one day, ceased to be so the next day.  I can remember working one day and having this girl who I used to be friends with in the Christian school, walk into the place I was working and look at me in the eye and keep on walking without saying hello.  This really hurt, and it still does.  For the longest time I can remember wondering how someone who was supposed to be my friend could all of a sudden not talk to me anymore because of what someone (the pastor) said.  Because of losing all of my friends this way, I really have a problem with abandonment, as well as other things. 

The Case of Leanne 

            I realize that my family system is dysfunctional in a number of ways, something I would not so much as dare to whisper as little as four years ago.  You could say I was under some kind of a spell to hide the truth.  Shortly after coming to college and watching my mother have a nervous breakdown and contemplate suicide, I started to admit that my family had some major problems.  This is something I should have realized since I was 11 years old, because my father started sexually abusing me from then until I was 17.  I think he stopped because I was leaving for college. 

            The reason I never told anyone about my abuse was because my father was the pastor of the church we attended and my mother was the head of the youth and music ministries.  I didn’t want to be the cause of controversy, or give God a bad name...My mother looked to me to be her closest friend and confidant, someone who could respond and listen and truly care.  My father once told me that he only acted abusively (my word, not his) when it was “that time of the month” for my mother.  He said this made him sexually frustrated. 

            One of the outlets that soothed me during this time was a journal that I kept.  My journal was the only thing I could trust to keep my secrets.  One excerpt from the journal reads, 

            “When I did drugs, I would come home from school high, I would lie on my bed, hanging my head over the side.  I would put on my headphones, close my eyes and hum...I didn’t want to think...I didn’t want to hear...I didn’t want to see.  DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR A CHILD WHO THINKS SHE IS THE SAVIOR IN THE FAMILY TO LIVE IN HELL?

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            I know these stories do not represent the whole of the church.  Still, it is impossible to miss the tragedy of children being abused by the people they are trusting to tell them who God is.  The dichotomy of being in the presence of other Christians, expecting to be loved and accepted only to have your trust shattered devastates and twists a person’s sense of reality forever.  It is a very difficult thing to ever fully recover from.  These kids are true victims.

            It is also worthy to note that in contrast to these abuses that there are many wonderful, trustworthy people in the church whose intentions and actions bring honest glory to the God they serve.  Not everyone in the church and not every minister is a predator.  Most people are loving, law-abiding citizens who find the church a place where they can honestly and humbly serve God and mankind, even if it is with a mask on. 

            Still, these examples need to be humbling wake-up call that we need to be more real and honest with God, ourselves and others.  The church would then be more of a hospital where injured and imperfect people can find the safety they need in order to receive the healing they are so desperately searching for.