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Emotional Intimacy

vs. Adultery


Dear Friends,

                        Emotional intimacy is the best safeguard against adultery and the only way to increase emotional intimacy is through communication.  Therefore, if you are communicating and intimate with your spouse, then the thrill of adultery will be replaced by a relationship that is much deeper and substantive.  In fact, one of the main reasons a marriage partner cheats (among many other important reasons such as pure lust) is to find the intimacy lacking in the marriage relationship itself.

             In John 15:9, 10 Jesus illustrates this by correlating love (or intimacy) with obedience (or marital fidelity).  The Biblical principle is this: First comes love or relationship and it is out of this intimate, loving relationship that obedience (or obedience to any of the Ten Commandments for that matter) makes sense.  Verse 9 reads, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in my love.”  Love becomes the foundation for the next verse.  Without verse 9, verse 10 doesn’t make any sense.  Because of this, Jesus goes on to say in verse 10, “If you obey commands, you will remain in my love.”  Therefore, without love, obedience is nothing more than a cold command.  As Paul states in 1 Cor. 13:3 “…if I surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

             This is the same principle that guides my philosophy of parenting.  I want my children to obey Lori and me because they first understand how much we love them.  They may not like the discipline it takes to obey, but they will not resent us as authority figures if they know our motivation is for their good, not ours!

             It is said that President Clinton had a tough upbringing.  I believe this set him up for having a marriage relationship that would provide him with many things (after all he did hold the most powerful position on earth), except for the intimacy he so desperately seeks.  Certainly, he has shown a pattern of marital infidelity.  These chronic episodes only provide addictive, temporary, but fleeting moments of false intimacy.  He will not be satisfied until he and Hillary face their most difficult marital issues.  Until he does, he will be responsible for avoiding the real work he has to face, not only as an ex-President; but also as a person, a spouse, and perhaps most importantly as Chelsea’s father. 

             Do not forget that God is the author of love, obedience, sex and emotional intimacy.  His Word has plenty to say about all four.  Be reminded and encouraged that the work required to achieve true intimacy is always worth it.  Fulfill your commitment to your marital partner by trusting God with more honest and deep communication.  In the end, your spouse will love you for it, and you both will find the intimacy you want and so desperately need!

                                                                      In His love, Paul