Introduction

            It may sound as if I am against the church by what you are about to read, but nothing could be further from the truth.  The fact of the matter is that I love and am deeply indebted to the church for my salvation, my development and sanctification, for being responsible for having met my wife, and for having provided me with some of the best friends a person could ever want.  I also believe in the church and in the mission God has given it, especially in these difficult times.  I know that I am writing about, us, the Bride of Christ, and, therefore, how important we are as individuals and as an institution.

     It is because of this importance that I have written

these words. It is my hope to be a catalyst for positive

change.  I am by nature a person who believes in the best,

even in the worst of circumstances.  I am also a person who is

sensitive, perceptive, insightful, discerning, intuitive, and,

honest enough to put such truths in print.

            At the same time, my goal is to reach those people, like myself, who have been hurt by the church’s tendency to produce and reinforce believers who have a lack of authenticity, genuineness, and realness.  I know that most of this hurt has been done unintentionally and, that some of these hurts have probably even been done with good intentions.  Still, hurt is hurt and the resultant pain is pain and, therefore, it must be spoken of no matter where it happens.

            Some of you may argue that I am writing in order to vent my anger.  I want to tell you, you are correct: I am angry.

            The more I have learned about mental, emotional, and spiritual health, ironically, the angrier I have become.  This is because for years I repressed and denied my anger while attempting to follow the church’s general teachings that anger was always wrong and unbecoming of a “good Christian.”  Conversely, during my training toward becoming a Christian counselor, I learned that anger is an appropriate emotional reaction to pain, hurt, and abuse.  It is hard to imagine the church would be a place where these things occur, but I believe pain and hurt can come in many forms and places, even if it be spiritual lessons gone awry in the “house that God built.”   

            Still, it is wonderful to know that I can be angry, not sin, and be following God's will by expressing it.  I have found healing for past pain by naming it, grieving it, and then turning it into positive action for myself.  Similarly, writing this book is a reaction to what I believe to be righteous indignation. 

            I pray for those of you who know what I am talking about that this book will be part of God's plan of healing you. God bless you in your tough, but glorious journey!

            Ironically, in a church where people are rarely authentic and deeply real with one another, most of us are in real pain.  Most of what we hear in response to this pain is partially helpful at best.  Because of this the church is not only a place of healing, but also a place of hurt.  For those who have experienced their share of emotional, mental, and spiritual injury, especially in the name of the church, Jesus Christ, or God, finding yourself harmed in church can be an injury that is too much to bear. 

            You usually blame yourself and the church typically and, ignorantly, blames you for your lack of faith.  The result is you heap further guilt onto your already broken souls.  For you, these people, I write this book.  I dedicate it to the suffering you have experienced while you have waited and depended on your church to be a place of genuineness, authenticity, deeper honesty and realness.  Without knowing it, you have been a courageous, silent survivor.  Because of your patience, continued faith and belief in Jesus (the only one we can really trust fully), and because of your willingness to endure so much falseness around you while maintaining a good attitude, you are an inspiration to the Gospel.

            I also know there are others of you out there who will be angry with my message.  To you, I make no apology.  My prayer is that you will see through your own agenda, have an open mind, and try to learn from those who suffer.  I am not attacking you and, for that matter, I don’t believe I am not attacking anything or anyone.

            Because of these statements I have made so far and the ones that are to come, I am sure some of you will believe that I have gone too far.  Perhaps you feel the church is too important to criticize.  I think the opposite.  Because it is so important, we must be in constant discussion about her state of affairs. We must dialogue about what we are doing in the name of Jesus more than anything.  If this happens then I think God will be pleased.

            Then, there are others of you who will think I have not gone far enough.  I want you to know that I am doing my best to speak what I know to be the truth, in love.  I do not want people to reject what I have written simply because it is filled with anger.  I want people to read it and dialogue and decide for themselves about how real the church is and isn’t. 

            I do not mean to be divisive.  This is not the intent of the book.  The intent is rather to examine one man's perspective on the state of the modern evangelical church.  If I am far from the truth and, therefore, way off base, then discard what you are about to read.  But, if I am right on, then, like a good movie, if what I have written inspires meaningful discussions and deep talks among you, then perhaps this book can be a small step forward for all of us who call ourselves Christian.  If this happens, we can go more boldly into the future knowing with confidence that God is being glorified in our lives and houses of worship!

            Finally, I look forward to meeting many of you and being a part of a dynamic process that makes us, the Bride of Christ, a more perfect spouse.

 Click here to read Chapter 1of Get Real